I.Have.To.Be.Strong.And.Leave.

Two more weeks and it is my turn to fly.. This time I have no excuses to stay back at home already :(( Ohhh whyy do we need to grow up?? Can we just keep on fooling around without worrying about money and everything that comes with time.. So down la.. :(

But it's okay lah. I am quite satisfy with how i spent my unemployment days at home haha. Though I didn't work or learnt anything special, but I did spent my time fairly well with my family and friends. Especially with my family, we really really enjoy being with each other. Sometimes I hope I can bring my family with me whenever I go. Without them I really feel very empty and alone.. Being a family-girl is really hard.. Very hard to leave home behind and start to go apply for work outside.. But I also cannot continue staying at home being mommy's girl already.. I.Have.To.Be.Strong.And.Leave.

Hopefully I can adapt to the new environment..
Hopefully my body is not so weak already..
Hopefully I rajin work dont lazy already..
Hopefully I didn't get severe homesick lah...

【看不出来的星座痴心情人】

第一名 上升或太阳在狮子座

　　狮子座的人，不容易让人看见他(她)们受伤，在感情中就算分手，无论自己是不是被辜负的一方，因为平日的形象就太坚强了，所以连自己受伤的时候，也都在安慰别人说自己没事，深怕亲友担心，带着无所谓的面具，默默承受一切，就因为狮子的面具太坚强了，让大家一直误以为他(她)们对情伤无所谓，总是可以很快好起来。
　　事实上，狮子座的人对爱情非常有责任感，一旦爱定某个人，会非常认真付出，把对方当成自己目前的家人，甚至未来的家人一样照顾，而且，狮子座的人一旦决定的方向，不容易改变，当他(她)们决定和某个人交往，通常不会是变心的一方，而且，狮子座有责任感的心态，通常把情路上所经历的所有困难痛苦都当成必然的付出，只是因为他(她)们不太会抱怨感情中所承受的一切，因此，很难想象的是，狮子座通常是被分手的一方，而且被分手的时候，脸上还看不出痛苦的表情，反而会祝福离去的情人，表面上安慰大家自己没事，可以承受的起这种情伤，但每每想起自己真诚深刻的付出，会在夜半里暗自落泪呢。。。

What Am I

I am a paradox. I want to be happy, but I think of things that make me sad. I am lazy, yet I am ambitious. I don't like myself but I also love who I am. I say I don't care, but I really do. I crave attention, but reject it when it comes in my way. I am a conflicted contradiction. If I can't figure myself out, there is no way anyone else has.

When I say 'I miss you', I really do mean it. I am not the type of person to only say those three words when I need something from you. If I tell you that I miss you, it means that you mean a lot to me. Not only does it mean that you have positively impacted my life, but also means that I want you to stay. I know people come and go, that's life, but I am going to be honest, I want you to stay in my life.

What my problem is? I get attached fast. And once I get attached to someone I do everything to please them and make them happy. It is never about what I want; it is always everybody's needs before my own. I give out too many chances to people, who quite frankly, do no deserve them. They take advantage of me, and I push them away. And even if they screw me over, I will still be there for them, because that is me, that who I am. Once I get attached to someone, they capture my heart and they always have a place there. That is so hard for me to just let it go.

I don't think people love me. They love versions of me I have spun for them, versions of me they have construed in their minds.

What I don't get about life? I don't get it how someone can erase you from their memory. How someone can just delete your existence. How someone can just walk pass by and you pretend nothing happened between you two. How someone can completely forget about all the memories you have made together. How someone can get over you so quickly. How someone can just lie to your face. How someone can change your entire mood in a second. How someone can walk away like you meant nothing.

What am I afraid of? I am afraid of being happy because in just a few seconds I can lose everything and everyone in my life. Being happy is just a feeling that you have in a certain moment but what happens to the happiness when it goes away? What happens inside me? Yesterday I had everything, today I have nothing. I feel completely lost.

- TheRealMe -